How to Prevent or Survive a Monkey Attack

Watch the monkeys carefully.

Whether in the remote forests of Brazil or in the backyard of some exotic animal dealer, you may encounter a monkey. To avoid bodily injury to yourself or to the monkey, read on for tips on how to protect yourself from any "unwanted" contact. Remember, monkeys have a unique muscular structure, and can possess up to 4 times the strength of the average man because of the amount of lactic acid in their blood.


Tips

Be careful of piercings. Enough said.

Never, ever show your teeth. To a monkey, a big toothy grin means a challenge. He will definitely attack you.

Avoid eye contact as this is a threat as well. Try to focus on their hands or the poo about to be thrown in your direction.

Keep your distance. It takes a long time for a monkey to trust you enough to let you get close--several weeks to months. Unless you are in a controlled situation, do not go near the monkey.

Do not underestimate a monkey's strength. They are stronger than you think. Science has shown that monkey's can be up to 4 times stronger than the average man.

Be the bigger primate. Don't yell, scream or sing to the monkey. Being aggressive will only get you attacked. You are the human, you have the frontal cortex, you can differentiate between right and wrong. So don't act like an idiot.

Long hair is dangerous. Tie it back or put it up when around monkeys.


Warnings

Monkeys are wild animals; they are dangerous and unpredictable.

If you don't feel safe, protect yourself in whatever way you can, even if it means killing the monkey.

Monkeys have been known to fling their feces. Try to wear goggles and appropriate clothing when in the vicinity.

Monkeys are your physical superior, don't forget that some monkeys can rip saplings out of the ground and use them to erect ranch style homes.